Marriage: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Marriage is a formal agreement between two people to share their lives together intimately and permanently.

Marriage is almost always a life changing decision for many. Changing homes, changing locations, changing responsibilities, changing jobs, changing experiences. It could really be a roller coaster of sorts.

By default we all want a good marriage. A positive one that makes our lives at least OK. Hopefully better than before but OK would be the barest minimum. With the pressure  to marry so high, I wonder if anyone actually considers not marrying as an option! Today, it seems like the natural progression. Birth- Toddler-Child-Teenager-Adult-Married-Parent-grandparent-Death! Anyway that's not the subject of today's post. Today I am talking about marriage.
So, you are married or (desperately) want to get married. Here are some tips.

How to have a Good marriage
1. Choose the right person: be true to your self and choose someone you love and respect. Take your time here, don't hurry cause... YES, this is the big moment!! (There's so much to say on this point, I need a separate post!)
2. Decide to stick with your decision: Get it written in your heart from when you get engaged that this is for the long haul.
3. Don't take yourself or each other too seriously: You are both human. You WILL make stupid decisions and crazy mistakes. Prime yourself up to handle them.
4. Trust each other: Believe in your spouse. Trust her to do the right thing. Trust him to make the right decision. When you trust your spouse, it gives them confidence and courage to actually not break that trust. Of course, it's not a licence for recklessness!!
5. Be ready to forgive: So the worst happens! And everyone is calling for your spouse's head. What do you do? It's up to you really. Forgiveness is an active decision you take. Forgiveness is not equal to being dumb and it's not to be taken as a license to be irresponsible. It's the highest act of love powered by God himself. Reach out and receive it, then apply it.
6. Be bold: Many situations call for boldness. You must be bold to take your stand against anything or anyone that comes to attack your marriage. You must be bold to discuss issues that are impacting your marriage especially negatively. You must be bold to admit that you have a problem(s) and figure a way out.

How to have a Bad marriage

1. Marry for a bad reason: marry because you are old, all ur friends are marrying or are married, your mum wants grandchildren, the guy/girl is rich, the guy/girl is religious!
2. Style your marriage on something out of cosmopolitan magazine: They do live happily ever after. The issue is they don't tell you 'ever after' what?
3. Make your marriage the hottest gist in town: You work for a gossip magazine so, its part of you. Yes we know, just keep work at work. Not everybody is interested in seeing even your 'clean linens' in public!
4. Try to out do your friend, sibling or neighbour: Competition mode activated. The best you'll be is a good copy. And the rat race? Save yourself the hassle determine to live your life not someone else's. Be self assured!
5. Compare your spouse with your ex or others: Sorry your spouse will never be Denzel Washington or Obama, the lady down the street, your ex girlfriend, neighbour or your siblings spouse. Don't run them to their ruin. Let them be themselves (that's who u married). And its your job to lovingly build them up not tear them down!!
6. Make your parents your no1 advisers: Put mummy's number on speed dial 1 so you can quickly get advice on if its OK for your spouse to spank your child for example.

How to have an Ugly marriage

1. Be unfaithful: From being flirty to actually doing it. Unfaithfulness will slam a dagger down the throat of your marriage. Don't engage it and if you fall, be bold to own up and ask for help!
2. Be jobless: An Idle man's heart is the devil's workshop. When all you do is watch TV all day or gossip with your neighbours, soon you will see some evil, hear some evil and do some evil. Get busy!!
3. Be afraid: Be paranoid. Eavesdrop on phone calls, texts and lettters, Call ur spouse 50 times a day to 'check on them', quiz them about their whereabouts, ask them to cut off all friends (and family), give your spouse curfews.
4. Do not trust: Decide not to trust your spouse. If he's gone to work, surely he's going to 'branch'! Calculate how long it takes to drive from work home and track him!
If she's going food stuff shopping surely she'll go wasting money on some phoney makeup! Always keep her cash strapped.
5. Hate your in laws and show it: don't ever call ur mum-in-law and when she calls send back a busy tone. If she calls thru her child, have them say you are busy washing, cooking, bathing etc. Do not attend family occasions!! Pls don't!

Unfortunately, despite this long list, there is no perfect recipe for any of these types of marriages. You have to keep working at it. Varying the quantities, species, and even experimenting with new ingredients!
Above all, trust God and rely on him!

Today I and my husband celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary and I thank God that its been good so far! I pray for more grace and wisdom to make it even better.

Selah

Please drop a comment and Let me know what you think of my list. Thanks

Big Faith, Little Faith

Matthew 17:20 KJV
And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

I've many times wondered what Jesus meant when he said things like 'oh ye of little faith!'. And then goes on to say 'if your faith is as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains'!! To make things more confusing, he explains that the mustard seed is the littlest of seeds!!(mark 4:31)

So what exactly is the 'size' of faith that we need to have? Let me share what I think. 

We all know about powerful preachers, pastors evangelists and the likes who preach powerful messages to crowds of people and 'make' amazing things happen like miraculous healings, prophetic words and insights and so on. Now no one needs to tell you that that kind of activity requires big faith as opposed to that required perhaps in your relatively normal daily life!

As I ruminated on this fact and scenario, this is what I realised: We have two sizes of faith. 

- Mustard seed size faith (Matthew 17:20, Luke 17:6) and

- Little faith (Matthew 6:30, Matthew 8:26)

This is confusing because mustard seed is very little to us. So  I updated the sizing to make it easier to relate with. So we actually have:

- Little faith (mustard seed faith)

- No faith (little faith).

Sorry, there is nothing like big faith!!

When the bible says we have little faith, what it really means is that we have no faith (in God)!! We are measuring the possibility of our need and request by our own ability and not trusting in God. 

 (Matthew 8:26 NLT) Jesus responded, "Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!" Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.

On the other hand, when we have the slightest trust in God, wonders can happen. You will agree with me that moving a mountain like everest, for example, is well, impossible! But the Bible says even that can be achieved with a mustard seed size faith (define  little faith here). Now, how much faith do u think will be needed to sort out your rent, bills, or job or health? Can u make the comparism? 

So really its either you have faith (little faith/mustard seed faith) or you have no faith. 

Friends, let's train ourselves to have God as the focus of our faith! Faith in ourselves or other people or circumstances is no faith! 

(Matthew 21:21 KJV)Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

Have a faith-filled Sunday!!

Selah

Picture credits: intuitiontosucceed.academy and Wikipedia