Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Being a Woman


Today is International Women's Day. Someone said over the radio this morning that the day is about feminism, not femininity. Chimamanda Adichie also once said that every woman should be a feminist. When ever the discussion is about women, its not long before the word FEMINISM pops up and takes centre stage just like its about to do now. But, I don't think I want to talk about feminism per say, I just want to talk about being a woman. You can research feminism yourself.

My overall thoughts on the topic of this post is that: being a woman is a dichotomy! Everyday I wake up and many times feel trapped. Why do I need to go to work all day away from home when half the time, I'll be thinking about what happened at home, whats happening at home or what would happen at home later in the day. Why do I have to pursue a career that makes me feel apprehensive and a target for a guilt trip when and if something goes wrong 'at home'. A Yoruba proverb says "a bad child is his mother's". More often than not the woman is told to keep 'her home'. Asked to forgo her career to take care of 'her children'. Admonished to quit her job to 'support her husband'. Compelled to get married to keep up with what society deems expected,virtuous and respectable. What about being threatened to keep quiet in the face of abuse? Oppressed into killing her dreams because, well, she is a 'commodity' to the society- one to be used to bargain for the greater good, more often than not!?

Historically, the place of women in society has been mixed. We have the Queen Aminas, the lady Emotans, the Margaret Ekpos and the Fumilayo Ransome-Kutis who were able to fight against great odds to rise to prominence. But we can't ignore the reality of the millions more who are trafficked as sex slaves, used as cheap labour, abused, discriminated against and bullied in the home and even in the workplace. How about the families and cultures where giving birth to a girl is an unfortunate incident, forgetting that the 'birthing machine' IS A WOMAN! and moreover, sex determination scientifically rests with the MAN?!

The contraption called woman is in deed a complex entity stirring great emotions both left and right. Physically, emotionally, economically and socially, the woman card is a game changer at anytime. Fragile yet strong. Vulnerable yet powerful. Passive yet ferocious.





As we celebrate 2016 International women's day with the theme: Pledge for Parity. I have taken the liberty to voice my stance on the issues of gender equality and parity. My stannce stems from the traditional role of women. By traditional role, I mean mostly biological. In advocating gender parity, the biological role of women especially in child bearing must take centre stage. Let me  quote from an article I read a while ago that put this succinctly: "Women pay heavy baby penalty" (you can read the full article here). This is the true reality and one that must be fundamentally addressed if we are ever going to make any headway in the issues of gender parity. Indeed, what we really mean when we advocate for gender parity? As much as we might want to say that the beginning of this parity is ensuring women's rights e.g. the right to make decisions that affect the, we cannot be judged fair to thrust women such 'rights' when we know that there are uncontrollable circumstances that affect her decisions. In fact, it is as though nature had made some of the decisions for her, at least as far as the interplay between biology and sociology is concerned. As much as a woman might be interested in building a career in the corporates for example, she almost always has to choose between climbing the ladder along with her peers or building a family. Women who have two to three children during their career life, can loose up to 10 years off their career progression. This reality is daunting.

Society must come together to decide what it really wants to do with its Women folk. These pockets and bursts of policies that don't address fundamental issues will not take us very far. For example, when you allow women study engineering but most companies who don't want to employ them are not sanctioned, its just nonsense.

Women must be allowed to create their own sense of achievement and they must be respected for their choices. Like I have emphasized, the biology of women, 'stands against' the society's present push push for parity. A woman who decides to be a 'stay-at-home' mum should not be discriminated against, especially financially. Many women everyday opt for lower paying jobs simply to have more time for their family, especially their children. How do we 'pay' for this selfless sacrifice?

Pushing women into the boardroom, while it has its benefits, creates more problems in my opinion, especially when the same society does not leave the woman alone to make decisions about her need to or not to procreate!!

  • Women should be allowed to decide if and when they want to marry.
  • If they do get married, their decsion as to if and when they want to procreate should be supported.
  • Organizations and institutions must be sanctioned for playing the 'baby card' against women. 
  • Society must allow women to take advantage of medical advancements in deciding how, when and indeed IF they want to have children.
  • Our labour laws must make it easier for women to carry on their God given responsibility of child bearing with little penalty.

Since I have taken the family bias to achieving gender parity, it behooves on families under pined by cultures, to reorient themselves in these regard. I firmly stand against using women for cheap labour especially in the the home without commensurate recognition and/or compensation. This for me is the greatest stumbling block to the campaign for parity.  You cannot expect an oppressed person to naturally excel. Respect for women must be enshrined in our family values for women to blossom and supply their quota in the development of our society.

As for me I am deciding to be my own personal crusader. As we wait for society to come to terms with the kind of environment needed for women to fulfill their potential, I'll do my bit. I'll keep my own space. I will allow society neither to sterotype me nor to blackmail me. I will fulfil my potential in my own way and in my own time. I will juggle the balls at my own pace! And I will look into the mirror and smile to my self, congatulating me for a job weldone.

Happy International Women's Day! Celebrate yourself and all you mean to the world!!


Please drop your views and comments below. Thanks for reading.

Photo credits: photostock, 123RF