LETTER TO NIGERIAN PARENTS (PART 1)

***culled***

Friends,

Let me add the benefit of my time as a student and then resident in the UK. Living in Abuja now. The first thing that I discovered about UK-born, white, English undergraduates was that all of them did holiday or weekend job to support themselves – including the children of millionaires amongst them. It is the norm over there – regardless of how wealthy their parents are. And I soon discovered that virtually all other foreign students did the same – except status – conscious Nigerians.

I also watched Richard Branson (owner of Virgin Airline) speaking on the Biography Channel. To my amazement, he said that his young children travel in the economy class – even when the parents (he and his wife) are in upper class. Richard Branson is a billionaire in Pound sterling. A quick survey would show you that only children from Nigeria fly business or upper class to commence their studies in the Uk. No other foreign students do this. There is no aircraft attached to the office of the Prime Minister in the UK. He travels on BA. And the same goes for the Royals. The Queen does not have an aircraft for her exclusive use.

These practices simply become the culture which the next generation carries forward. Have you seen the car that Kate Middleton (the wife of Prince William) drives? VW Golf or something close to it. But there’s one core difference between them and us (generally speaking), they(even the billionaires among them) work for their money, most of us steal ours

If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then please, please let’s begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand alone and most importantly be content and not having t “steal” which seems to be the norm these days.

We have Nigerian Children who have never worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying “only” first or business class and using the latest cars fully paid for by their “loving “ parents.

I often get calls from anxious parents”my son graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please assist!”

“Oh really! So where exactly is “THIS CHILD?” is my usual question. “Why are you the one making this call dad/mum?

I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and me, chances are that the big boy is cruising around Abuja with a babe dresses to the nines, in his dad’s spanking new SUV with enough “pocket money” to put your salary to shame. It is not at all strange to hear a 28 year old who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but “earns” a six figure “salary” from parents for doing absolutely nothing

I see them in my office once in a while, 26 years old with absolutely no skill to sell apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get to the inevitable question- so, what salary are you looking to earn? Answer comes straight out – N250,000.00. I ask if that is per month or per annum.

“Of course, it is per month”

“Oh, why do you think you should be earning that much on your first job?”

“Well, because my current pocket money is N200,000.00 and I feel any employer should be able to pay me more than my parents.”

No wonder corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up to expect something for nothing, as if it were a birthright. Even though the examples I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa.

Wake up mum! Wake up dad! This syndrome – “my children will not suffer what I suffered is destroying your tomorrow. You are practically loving your child to death.

I learnt the children of a former Nigeria Head of State with all the stolen(billions) monies in their custody, still go about with security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs, several time because of the drug, they collapse in public places. The escort will quickly pack them and off they go. What a life! No one wants to marry them.

Henry Ford said “hard work does not kill.” We are getting everything wrong in Nigeria now, including family setting. It is time to prepare your children for tomorrow, the way the world is going, only those that are rugged, hard working and smart working that will survive. How will your ward fare?
Please forward this to all parents you know.

***culled***

Marriage: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Marriage is a formal agreement between two people to share their lives together intimately and permanently.

Marriage is almost always a life changing decision for many. Changing homes, changing locations, changing responsibilities, changing jobs, changing experiences. It could really be a roller coaster of sorts.

By default we all want a good marriage. A positive one that makes our lives at least OK. Hopefully better than before but OK would be the barest minimum. With the pressure  to marry so high, I wonder if anyone actually considers not marrying as an option! Today, it seems like the natural progression. Birth- Toddler-Child-Teenager-Adult-Married-Parent-grandparent-Death! Anyway that's not the subject of today's post. Today I am talking about marriage.
So, you are married or (desperately) want to get married. Here are some tips.

How to have a Good marriage
1. Choose the right person: be true to your self and choose someone you love and respect. Take your time here, don't hurry cause... YES, this is the big moment!! (There's so much to say on this point, I need a separate post!)
2. Decide to stick with your decision: Get it written in your heart from when you get engaged that this is for the long haul.
3. Don't take yourself or each other too seriously: You are both human. You WILL make stupid decisions and crazy mistakes. Prime yourself up to handle them.
4. Trust each other: Believe in your spouse. Trust her to do the right thing. Trust him to make the right decision. When you trust your spouse, it gives them confidence and courage to actually not break that trust. Of course, it's not a licence for recklessness!!
5. Be ready to forgive: So the worst happens! And everyone is calling for your spouse's head. What do you do? It's up to you really. Forgiveness is an active decision you take. Forgiveness is not equal to being dumb and it's not to be taken as a license to be irresponsible. It's the highest act of love powered by God himself. Reach out and receive it, then apply it.
6. Be bold: Many situations call for boldness. You must be bold to take your stand against anything or anyone that comes to attack your marriage. You must be bold to discuss issues that are impacting your marriage especially negatively. You must be bold to admit that you have a problem(s) and figure a way out.

How to have a Bad marriage

1. Marry for a bad reason: marry because you are old, all ur friends are marrying or are married, your mum wants grandchildren, the guy/girl is rich, the guy/girl is religious!
2. Style your marriage on something out of cosmopolitan magazine: They do live happily ever after. The issue is they don't tell you 'ever after' what?
3. Make your marriage the hottest gist in town: You work for a gossip magazine so, its part of you. Yes we know, just keep work at work. Not everybody is interested in seeing even your 'clean linens' in public!
4. Try to out do your friend, sibling or neighbour: Competition mode activated. The best you'll be is a good copy. And the rat race? Save yourself the hassle determine to live your life not someone else's. Be self assured!
5. Compare your spouse with your ex or others: Sorry your spouse will never be Denzel Washington or Obama, the lady down the street, your ex girlfriend, neighbour or your siblings spouse. Don't run them to their ruin. Let them be themselves (that's who u married). And its your job to lovingly build them up not tear them down!!
6. Make your parents your no1 advisers: Put mummy's number on speed dial 1 so you can quickly get advice on if its OK for your spouse to spank your child for example.

How to have an Ugly marriage

1. Be unfaithful: From being flirty to actually doing it. Unfaithfulness will slam a dagger down the throat of your marriage. Don't engage it and if you fall, be bold to own up and ask for help!
2. Be jobless: An Idle man's heart is the devil's workshop. When all you do is watch TV all day or gossip with your neighbours, soon you will see some evil, hear some evil and do some evil. Get busy!!
3. Be afraid: Be paranoid. Eavesdrop on phone calls, texts and lettters, Call ur spouse 50 times a day to 'check on them', quiz them about their whereabouts, ask them to cut off all friends (and family), give your spouse curfews.
4. Do not trust: Decide not to trust your spouse. If he's gone to work, surely he's going to 'branch'! Calculate how long it takes to drive from work home and track him!
If she's going food stuff shopping surely she'll go wasting money on some phoney makeup! Always keep her cash strapped.
5. Hate your in laws and show it: don't ever call ur mum-in-law and when she calls send back a busy tone. If she calls thru her child, have them say you are busy washing, cooking, bathing etc. Do not attend family occasions!! Pls don't!

Unfortunately, despite this long list, there is no perfect recipe for any of these types of marriages. You have to keep working at it. Varying the quantities, species, and even experimenting with new ingredients!
Above all, trust God and rely on him!

Today I and my husband celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary and I thank God that its been good so far! I pray for more grace and wisdom to make it even better.

Selah

Please drop a comment and Let me know what you think of my list. Thanks

Big Faith, Little Faith

Matthew 17:20 KJV
And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

I've many times wondered what Jesus meant when he said things like 'oh ye of little faith!'. And then goes on to say 'if your faith is as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains'!! To make things more confusing, he explains that the mustard seed is the littlest of seeds!!(mark 4:31)

So what exactly is the 'size' of faith that we need to have? Let me share what I think. 

We all know about powerful preachers, pastors evangelists and the likes who preach powerful messages to crowds of people and 'make' amazing things happen like miraculous healings, prophetic words and insights and so on. Now no one needs to tell you that that kind of activity requires big faith as opposed to that required perhaps in your relatively normal daily life!

As I ruminated on this fact and scenario, this is what I realised: We have two sizes of faith. 

- Mustard seed size faith (Matthew 17:20, Luke 17:6) and

- Little faith (Matthew 6:30, Matthew 8:26)

This is confusing because mustard seed is very little to us. So  I updated the sizing to make it easier to relate with. So we actually have:

- Little faith (mustard seed faith)

- No faith (little faith).

Sorry, there is nothing like big faith!!

When the bible says we have little faith, what it really means is that we have no faith (in God)!! We are measuring the possibility of our need and request by our own ability and not trusting in God. 

 (Matthew 8:26 NLT) Jesus responded, "Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!" Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.

On the other hand, when we have the slightest trust in God, wonders can happen. You will agree with me that moving a mountain like everest, for example, is well, impossible! But the Bible says even that can be achieved with a mustard seed size faith (define  little faith here). Now, how much faith do u think will be needed to sort out your rent, bills, or job or health? Can u make the comparism? 

So really its either you have faith (little faith/mustard seed faith) or you have no faith. 

Friends, let's train ourselves to have God as the focus of our faith! Faith in ourselves or other people or circumstances is no faith! 

(Matthew 21:21 KJV)Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

Have a faith-filled Sunday!!

Selah

Picture credits: intuitiontosucceed.academy and Wikipedia

All I want for Valentine's

OK, so it was Valentine's day yesterday 14th February. I am sure you most probably had a special time with your loved one(s).

We all have come to know Valentine's day as a day to show love in a special way, go the extra mile to make people know that you care. 

We usually give/get Jewellery, perfumes, greeting cards, clothing, a meal out and such. Or we could reach out to the less privileged in the hospitals, homes and prisons.

This year can I suggest to you, all I want for Valentine's is your blood!!

I started thinking about this three days ago. I wanted to give some thing different. Valentine's has always been more between by husband and I, and my friends. But this year, I wanted to do more. To show love that well, went the extra mile. To my great surprise and pleasure, the National Blood Transfusion Service (NBTS) was at our church today! And that was the only extra sign I needed to know I was doing the right thing :). In deed the universe was in agreement!

So I bled for love today; 530ml of it! And I am happy because it will go on to give someone out there a chance at life. The kind of gift that keeps giving! Now that's a perfect Valentine's! Or what do you think?

Do you know that in Nigeria many people die everyday simply because there is no blood to transfuse into them during an operation or after an accident? Blood cannot be manufactured industrially. The only hope for having blood available for those in need is from donors- Healthy people like me and you! 

As you read this today why not make a decision to become a donor and start saving lifes one pint at a time! Contact your local NBTS. Encourage your friends and family to think positively about donating blood. Remember you just might be the one in need of blood tomorrow.

So happy Valentine's! Let's make it a 'bloody' great one!

2015 and simple machines

So the new year has begun. As usual we all can't resist the coercion to 'start something new' at the turn of a new year. Maybe you are an exception, but I couldn't resist and infact didn't resist. As clichéd as new year's resolutions may sound, 
they are not as evil as they are often portrayed to be. Perhaps people have found over the years that their resolutions 'find them out' and so, have become wary of this secret agent! Be that as it may, goal setting which is the main thrust of new year's resolutions still remains an important activity for anyone who what's to become someone!

For this year, 2015, I have set out a number of goals which I hope to accomplish. This post is not about those goals but about how those goals are going to be accomplished. For this year, God took my mind back to basic physics and the concept of simple machines. 

One of the ideas from that concept is mechanical advantage. By leveraging on the simple machine, effort moves less distance than load. Or effort expends less energy than the load to be carried. Applying that to life in 2015, it means I need to create and use some simple machines (there are six designs to choose from)! :-) . If you are a little confused, let me explain. I am talking about the power of teams. Mapping the analogy, my team is the simple machine, I am the effort and my goals are the load. At the moment, I have myself and my goals but for me to succeed at them this year, I need to build and leverage on my team. The bible says one shall chase a thousand and two shall put ten thousand to flight! Just try to figure out the multiplier effect of team work! So, this year, instead of working my fingers to the bones, I'll be looking to piggyback on others - they could be other individuals, institutions or organisations- to get my goals achieved with less effort from myself. Of course, this means sharing the glory but it also means sharing the costs, liabilities and work! Honestly, you can't eat your cake and have it. But then, having a party all by yourself is not much fun anyway. 

So take a cue from me. Don't try to go it alone. You will only burn out halfway and come back sore. Being part of a team is the way up. Remember though as you try to build your team, other people need you on theirs too. Kind of like 'you rub my back, I rub yours'. So yeah, I hope this post helps you to be more successful this year. Go ahead and have a brilliant 2015!

Don't forget to drop a comment below. Thanks

Simple machines image from www.oocities.org

Commitment

Commitment. That's a strong word isn't it? Yes it is. Commitment is about your honour, your integrity. Putting your life on the line to see an issue through.

The other day I was travelling to Ibadan, Nigeria from Lokoja a town in central Nigeria. A journey of 6-7 hours on a good day. We had dropped off some passengers in a city just 2hrs from Ibadan and picked up some new ones to complete the journey. No sooner had we picked the two new passengers than we heard a snapping sound, followed by a scrapping sound that persisted as the vehicle continued on motion. The driver reckoned something had gone wrong with the back spring of the car. Nothing felt particularly wrong with the car to me, except for the scrapping noise of metal against the car frame.

The driver pulled over, assessed the situation and determined it was safe to drive on till we got to a mechanic workshop where it could be checked properly. He got in and drove on much more slowly. But as the sound persisted, passengers began to agitate to get off. Not the least, the two new addons. In fact they insisted they wanted to get off heatedly and presently were allowed to alight.

The rest of us were willing to persevere till at least we got a full diagnosis at the next mechanic workshop. I for one was contemplating dropping off at the next town where my grandmother lived if I felt the car wouldn't get me to my destination.

So were we just more risk averse than those other two passengers or were we plain silly to have continued such a journey on the highway with a faulty vehicle?

I'll tell you what, we were just committed. Lets look at the indicators.

1. We had paid our fares before we took off. If we got off now, we would most probably have to sort ourselves out.Those two hadn't paid as yet.
2. Most of us had heavy baggage. They had just a hand bag.
3. We had formed a kind of camaraderie having travelled together for over 5 hours experiencing the intrigues of the road together. They hadn't.
4. We had come a long way (5 hours). They were just starting out.

So yeah commitment was the difference. As silly and dangerous as it must have seemed, commitment saw us through and got us to our destination. Together we weathered the storm. As we drove on my thoughts kept flashing back to those two who had dropped off along a bushy, lonely highway. 'Did they get another lift quickly?', 'were they beaten by the rain that fell shortly after?', 'did they get home safe?'. Well, I'll never know. Just like they'll never know how we fared either.

It's always quite easy to jump off the boat. But count the cost. There'll always be 'what-ifs' both sides of the coin. Weight your commitment before you throw it all up in the air. Just a little patience might crown your commitment with results.

Selah

Image credits: jasaero.com

Death

Do you wake up everyday with the thought that the next moment you might be dead? I guess not. Especially if you are not waking up on a hospital bed!
As days, weeks and years roll by, we bubble with life, going about our 'business' without much of a thought about our frailty and the human eventuality - death.
Just like the day we are born can usually not be 100% predictable, even more so the day we die. That undated appointment that every person must keep.
Death must be the least understood experience of humans and yet, it's the most certain. Natural, accidental, self inflicted or assisted, death comes to all.
Like I was pointing out earlier, most of our life we rarely give a thought to death. It sounds so ominous, we cannot bear to keep the thought for a moment longer. However, should death continue to be a topic shrouded in darkness? Should it continue to elude us and catch us unaware?
The very nature of death makes such questions difficult to answer. Often unexpected, the grief that is communicated by the loss of a fellow human being hardly gives us any window to learn from it. Moreover, The dead is, well, dead! You cannot experience death and tell the story. Its the omega experience. Only the dead know how death feels - that's if they feel something . Those who live on only feel the impact of the death: the loss, the pain, the void.... I am reminded of a quote by a friend 'death is for the living'
Well, every once in a while, we are reminded, usually shockingly, that we are not immortal beings. At least not yet. The death of a loved one rattles through our being, shaking the very foundations of what we believe and hold dear. We give the thought to the fact that we too must go someday too. And hopefully, we learn some lessons, reorder our priorities and focus on our purpose. For this is the whole duty of man.

--- Inspired by the tragic death of Dr Myles Munroe 9/11/2014. May his blessed soul and those of the 8 others rest in peace.